Letters to a young man 23


Hello my friend.

I want to address your latest concern that you sent to me. You’ve approached a girl who made eyes at you, and then when talking to her, she seemed to clam up and get very serious, not saying much. This in turn made you feel nervous, and threw you off. It seems the whole thing disintegrated quickly. You ask me what you did wrong.

Listen, you did nothing wrong. So often it’s not a matter of what you did wrong, or right. She no doubt became very nervous, most likely because she finds you attractive, and because she was probably surprised you actually came over to talk to her. Given her age, I’m guessing she’s in her early twenties like you, she probably had a flood of hormones and emotions going on. Of course, perhaps you mis-interpreted her looking at you, but I say that you should trust your instincts, which gave you the impression that she was interested. Don’t start second guessing yourself the next time an attractive girl gives you the eye.

You should be proud of yourself for taking action. Don’t beat yourself up and ask yourself what you did wrong. If I have any advice for such situations it is to say very little, and when it seems that things have run their course, just introduce yourself, say it was nice to meet her and then leave. If she can pull it together enough to keep conversation going, hang around. If not, she’s only going to continue feeling awkward, and so will you. Remember, you’d already made a joke which she giggled at but she was just too enamored of you to say much else. There’s no point to hang around trying to make jokes, to tease her out of her awkward and shy place if she doesn’t budge out of it quickly.

Conversation can’t bloom if only one person is talking.

And remember, not everything has to happen right away. Consider this a first meeting. Maybe the next time you see her she will be less nervous and will have kicked herself for not making more of the opportunity. You sailed your ship to her harbor. That’s just the first step.

There’s a bit more on this in End Game. I hope you will find it useful.

Farewell for now, my friend.

Stoic Living for the Modern Soul

My book on stoicism.


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7 thoughts on “Letters to a young man 23

  1. I’m very excited for End Game.

    Also I swear that these letters can play surrogate father to those guys who never had a dad in their life.
    Very powerful and wise.

    • Dirt Man – just wanted to say I came across your blog two months ago after recently splitting with my girlfriend (I was with the wrong girl and after reading your posts, realized how weak of a game I was playing and letting her walk all over me…never again!). In any case, just wanted to say thank you for all your wisdom and insight and looking forward to checking out your book as well. Sometimes, I just re-read your posts to help gain perspective and to give myself a quick head-check. I’ve also changed some of my habits and started focusing on ME (eating better and headed towards a pure Paleo diet, exercising weekly/jogging, weekly yoga, and cutting back on the sugars/carbs/alcohol) along with dressing better. I can honestly say that I’m happier than I’ve been with myself for as long as I can remember and it’s funny to see girls start chasing after me for once. But it’s cool, when they start chasing I just pull back a little and make myself less available…it’s working like magic!

      • Wakesurfvt, this is so good to read, thanks for sharing this. I’m glad you’re making positive changes in your life. Focusing on yourself is key. All of those things your doing sound spot on to me. There’s nothing like taking control (and responsibility) for yourself and taking an honest view of where you are and then to figure out where you’re going. Thanks for reading and keep up the good work.

    • Thanks so much Byc, I hope it doesn’t disappoint. Making some last minute changes today. I am sure your writing gives guys the shot in the arm they need to take some positive action.

  2. Can’t wait for the book.

    Silence is powerful. Roosh suggests rambling to fill the void, because her excitement/fear are so strong as to stay her tongue. There is a balance. As she begins to open up, you can back off, but the initial minutes are largely the man’s responsibility.

  3. Arianna Pattek, a racist, man-hating feminist bitch

    In the above link, you will find evidence of her committing the CRIME of discrimination based on a man’s race.

    I have included her personal email, the email of her academic advisor, link to her Facebook account, link to her two blogs, and her pictures as well.

    I suggest you men write to her through her email, Facebook, and blogs, and tell her that you are reporting her for the CRIME of discrimination against men.

    American women are really evil bitches.

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